Hopeless
by Tibbins
Summary: Dean reflects on the situation after the events of 15x06... and it's not looking great.


**Hey guys! So since Suptober I've been going through a bit of a dry spell writing-wise and it's been irritating me so much! So I MADE myself write something. It's short but hopefully it will get me back in the groove and I'll start going back and doing proper edits to my Suptober works because some of them desperately need doing now that I have time.**

**I'm also working on something really big which I'm _hoping_ I'll be able to get back into writing properly for, though I'm a little stuck D:**

**This is set a few days after 15x06, Dean angst because I'm me xD**

**Enjoy ^_^**

So Eileen was back.

Dean was happy for her, and for Sam, he really was. Sam needed this win and Eileen had never deserved to die like she had. She would live with them now, she'd picked out a room and everything. Sam could barely contain his tentative joy, following her around like a trained puppy, trying to find something to help her with, carry her bags, take her guns for cleaning, that kind of thing. It would be cute if it wasn't so heartbreaking the way he looked at her like he was terrified she was gonna disappear again. Of course, this was after he'd rushed to Dean's room in a complete whirlwind of panic and ransacked the wardrobe because when she'd come back, apparently her clothes hadn't and they'd already thrown or donated Mary's things. Sam's freak out had amused Dean no end and in a few days, when things had settled, he was 100% going to tease him about it.

This whole 'souls touched by Hell can never go to Heaven' thing was bullshit, but at least Eileen had some more time on Earth before the reapers came collecting. How _much_ time still remained to be seen but it was something. Besides, when The End came, at least she wouldn't be alone down there, he and Sam would be going too, no doubt about it. They were on God's shit list, no way would they be allowed any kind of peace.

Perhaps that was part of why Dean had spent the better part of the last few weeks in pajamas in front of the TV, shoving snacks into his mouth. The thought of going back was horrifying, the thought of _Sam_ sending him back was something else entirely. Because it was going to be Sam. It would _have _to be Sam. If Chuck was set on one brother killing the other then Dean knew he wouldn't be physically capable of taking the swing to do the deed and no matter what hope Sam was clinging on to, Dean just didn't feel it. He didn't see _how_ they could win this one. God was _God_, he could do literally anything. He could be manipulating their every move, their every word, working each action and thought into his story. Nothing was sacred, because everything was _his_. Doing nothing? That felt like the most rebellion that he could hope for. If Chuck wanted him out making stories and furthering plots then he was going to sit his ass in front of Scooby Doo until his brain melted. _Sam_ could save his damsels and kill his witches and Dean would be there to bail him out if needed, but the only thing he could think of that might actually piss Chuck off more than trying to find a way to kill him, was _not_ trying to find a way to kill him. Dean didn't care about breaking the rules any more, he was done playing.

Of course, there was even more to it than that, not that Dean would ever say it aloud. He missed Cas. It was stupid and childish but mostly he didn't want to leave his room because Cas wasn't wandering the halls, he didn't want to go out on a mission because Cas wouldn't be joining them. Anything smaller than an apocalyptic occurrence and Dean's mind would have enough time to wander, not enough all-consuming distraction to miss the Cas-shaped holes punctured through every part of the process, like the outline of him without his presence.

Hearing his voice on the phone had sucked, and it had hurt, and he knew it was _his_ fault that Cas was so terse and angry. It was the least he could do to tell him about Chuck, seeing as he hadn't checked his messages and all, hadn't even wanted to talk to him, and not just 'cause he was pretending to be FBI in front of whatever sheriff or police chief or M.E. he'd been in front of.

Dean had wanted to apologise then and there, but it hadn't been the time and frankly, Cas didn't sound like he wanted to hear it. So instead he'd given him the news and hung up.

It wasn't like Cas didn't have his _actual _number if he wanted to talk.

So yeah, a combination of his best friend gone AWOL, his every choice being indistinguishable from a manipulation by God, the looming apocalypse, the fact that he and his brother were going to end up duking it out, and that after _that_, he'd end up right back on the rack all made him want to hide under his duvet and go back to thinking that the only monsters were the ones on TV.

Now, Dean liked a challenge, don't get him wrong, but this? Taking on the guy who could make freaky-ass cosmic wave guns with just a thought? The guy who had killed the most powerful nephilim in existence with a snap of his fingers? The asshole who had plotted out their entire lives? How in the hell were they supposed to even _start_?

It was just all too much. He didn't feel the burn of determination pushing him to save the world like he usually did, he just felt hollow, like he'd been scraped out and left on the sidewalk like a day-late Halloween pumpkin. He just… couldn't see a way out this time, and he was tired of trying. No matter what he did he wasn't going to be able to save his or his brother's soul from the Pit when the time came, so what did it matter if they got a few more years on Earth or not? Just like with Eileen, there was no permanent fix.

He felt a sudden, boiling hatred towards Chuck. It wasn't right. None of it. And there was nothing he could do to change it. The gun was gone, the only thing in their arsenal powerful enough to even put a dent in the guy; Sam's visions were less helpful than they were hopeless and Cas, the famous wild card of Heaven and defier of Chuck's regime, well, he was so pissed at Dean that it didn't look like he was ever coming back.

So Dean pulled on his dead man's robe and shuffled to the kitchen. At least there was still bacon.

**So... thoughts? **

**What are your opinions on the season so far? I'm so happy Eileen is back. I love her!**

**Love Tibbins xx**


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